Erasing Everything
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: Boy scouts don't teach you to tie a knot like this.  Just angst, all characters remain in tact


**Gah! I just shouldn't be allowed to have free time, it leaves me with the WORST writer's block. **

**HOWEVER! I was listening to the Wedding Singer soundtrack (shocking, right? Normally it would be Winnie The Pooh), which, FYI, isn't for those who only read up to K+, just a warning, and "Somebody Kill Me" came on, so... this spawned. The song is actually REALLY funny, and I don't know why this popped into my head, but, again, it has some naughty words, so be warned...**

**Oh, and don't listen to that song while reading. Seriously, the two have nothing to do with each other...**

**And for those who are making guesses, relax. It's not a character death.**

_Step 1: Find a rope. About three meters should do it._

Logan's stomach was currently trying to twist it's way up his throat. He felt so nauseous; he couldn't believe he was actually going to do this, to go _through_ with this. His heart pounded in his ears as Logan rummaged through their camping gear. He wasn't sure why they had brought this to LA, but he wasn't complaining. Finally, a long nylon cord poked out through the lighters and marshmallow skewers.

A small smile twitched on his lips, but fear washed it away. It was so conflicting. Everything he'd been considering, had been planning, for so long was literally at his finger tips, yet every fiber of his being was _screaming_ at him to let it go and run away. The rope fumbled in his numb fingers, Logan being too scared to feel, but he didn't drop it. No. This was happening.

_Step 2: Make an 's' at one end, leaving extra for the rest of the instructions._

Logan folded it over in threes, vaguely wondering if he should clean his quarter of the room before continuing his plan. His thoughts, however, were mostly focused on the rope in front of him. He had to do this right, or things could get messy and... painful. No, that's not what Logan wanted, despite his goals. His throat ran dry, and doubt filled his head. _Why was he doing this? Why would any one do this? When did this become a good idea?_ But Logan brushed the questions aside, determined. It was now or never, and Logan couldn't bear it to be never.

It hurt too much.

_Step 3: Wrap the left over end around the thirds_

His shaky hands made it nearly impossible, but it happened regardless. A faint grin appeared as the mess of rope he was holding started to take shape, but, once again, it vanished as fast as it came. Depression had a habit of doing that. The weight of the air around him was stifling, and Logan found himself gasping just to take a breath. How could something that seemed so... right, feel so bad?

He clutched at his heart, but refused to stop his process. Logan was mustering up the last of his fight, and the hell he wasn't going through with this. Besides, he didn't know what he was so scared about. After all, once it was done... everything was done. There'd be no consequences, it'd be finished. He'd finally be finished.

_Step 4: Slowly keep winding it upwards until you have two loops_

Logan choked back a sob. He felt like the world was crashing down on him, and he needed an escape. This could be his escape, but now it just felt..._ wrong_. Just so, so wrong. Tears flooded his eyes and slid down his cheeks. His heart now pounded in his ears so hard, he couldn't push it aside anymore. Logan's hands found their way to his temples and he pressed so hard he thought his head would burst. A self-delivered slap in the face helped him to compose himself, and he went back to his work, trying to fight the conflicting feelings of both glee and horror as everything started to come together.

A disturbed sense of hope flitted in his chest, cutting through everything that had crippled him for so long. The pain, the self-loathing, the anxiousness... it would all be thrown away. Logan was just so _tired_ of his daily battles with the mirror, the fight just to get out of bed, the urges to let himself waste away, the never eating, the faked smiles, the lies... it had to stop. And it would.

_Step 5: Stick the end through the closest loop_

He was almost done. A welcomed surge of pride rushed through him, and, for a nanosecond, Logan brightened. Then, just like always, reality crashed right back down, and Logan was pretty sure the world would stop him in his tracks now, too. It did the same for everything else he wanted.

Once again, tears took over, but he still managed to continue with the task at hand. After all, this was too important not to. He gave a squeeze to the blue, lab coat wearing elephant at his side. "Well, I guess this is it, Albert," he told it, needing at least something to talk to before he called it in, and the stuffed animal wasn't such a bad option. He'd had it ever since he could remember, and he'd been there for everything. But, apparently, a fluffy elephant wasn't enough. "At least now you won't have me crying into you anymore," he assured him with a weak chuckle. Gah, why did this have to be so hard?

_Step 6: Tighten, but please don't use._

Logan actually laughed at this. A loud, full, demented laugh, that shook the room. Like he'd follow _that_ rule to a T. _ Google clearly doesn't understand how enabling it is, _he mused half-heartedly as he gave the end a final tug. After all that, he was finally finished. He held up his creation.

A perfect noose.

He found his way out to the balcony, starting to pull the loop over his head. The rest was simple, all he had to do was- "LOGAN!" a terrified voice cut him off. A visible shudder went up his spine, and he bit his breath before turning around to face a horrified Kendall, James and Carlos. Literally _nothing_ ran though his head. Nothing. It's like every part that had control over him had fled the crime scene, simultaneously throwing him under the bus to take the blame. His heart lurched, and the only response he gave his friends was a little yelp before turning away and continuing what he was doing in a hurried pace.

"LOGAN!" This time it was Kendall, who'd manage to cross the apartment in a millisecond and was now swatting his hands away. In a last, desperate attempt, Logan pulled frantically at the rope to strangle himself, but it was useless. The blonde had managed to sneak a hand through the loop around his neck. He fell to his knees.

"Please," he gurgled through snot and tears as he cried, "Just let me die!" Logan curled himself around Kendall's ankles, vehemently needing this. "Just let me die," he begged, when, suddenly, he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him from behind, pulling them into their owner's lap.

"Absolutely never," James whispered into his ear, his voice stern but meltably comforting. His body impossibly wracked harder with sobs, but James just enveloped him. He gripped at the other boy's t-shirt, pulling it against his face to hide his shame and pain, far to out of it to acknowledge anyone else. And then, in a way Logan had never heard him say it before, he said quietly, "Let us in."

So he did.

**FIN. How's THAT for writer's block! Anyway, this type of thing had been on my radar to maybe try one day... maybe, but... whatever. I had just learned how to tie one of these bad boys, and I thought it would be cool to do with the instructions...**

**Gah. Guys, I would gladly give my life for watermelon...**

**FACT: Every wonder what Little Red Riding Hood's first name is? Blanchette. **

**FACT 2: In the center of most raindrops is a tiny speck of dust. Bet you don't want to catch 'em on your tongue anymore, do you.**


End file.
